A Heart Filled Confession

Somehow I feel lonely when I'm away from you...
It's kinda weird, I know.
Even though it's just been a few hours or maybe a day or two...
I feel as though it have been far longer than that...
I felt lonelier than before...
Reading our conversations again and again...
Somehow I knew I could trust you with the heart I've always protected so much...
I still believe in you that you're my "kind and gentle hero" ( 惠 杰 )...
So I hope even if it isn't right now that you'll be able to be happy...
I just wish soon you'll be able to smile again like you used to.
Though I'm not sure if my feelings are reaching you...
I'm happy that I've got you and sometimes I wonder if you like having me too...


なくもんか－いきものがかり or Nakumonka by Ikimono Gakari

Translation

“Hmm, I guess every single one of us is walking alone”
There’s no reason for us to reveal the loneliness we bear
As many more people walk further away

I became good at just putting on affable smiles as an adult
But it’s not what I imagined before
It’s supposed to be a stronger, gentler warmth

Someone’s reaching out to me, am I brave enough to grab their hand?
That small petty distance is always testing my meager heart

There’s a smile for every teardrop, yeah, I should realize that
But I always pretend when I’m with you, I can’t be honest with myself
Whether it’s sad or joyous, yeah, I want to be connected to you
That’s how we gather our hearts together, one by one

Failures, betrayals, bad news, I mix them all together and shield my heart
I pretended not to see, yeah, that’s how I was able to go on living
But I still don’t want to run away

The torrential rain is drowning out someone’s voice again
There you were, lost and embracing the same loneliness as me

I don’t know the right “answer” but I’m not giving up
Because you’re here and I’m here, our hearts need each other

“To understand each other we must forgive each other”
Even “confusion” and “fear” are a “part” of us
Let’s remember each and every single teardrop
Hey, I can laugh with you again

There’s a teardrop for every smile, yeah, I know that
But I’ll tell you even if my voice grows hoarse because I want you to know
If you cry for me, if you laugh for me, yeah, I know I’ll grow stronger
That’s how we connect our hearts together, one by one

So here I am again... Worried...

Recently, I've been a lot worried about the people around me... The group I have started to hang out with... The group who I've grown too fond of to actually want it to break apart that I started thinking... Maybe it's not so good that I came after all since when I came along in their group... All hell started to break loose... Thinking back... It's probably my fault since before the only thing that was different was me being with them... So what do I do? What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be ignorant... Been having dreams about everyone split up and fighting and I don't know what to do... Sometimes I'd find myself waking up crying early in the morning...

I guess it's part of growing up, but I always suck at good-byes, because I hate letting go... So every time I get the chance of having a bit of fun with them I grab it. There are so few memories that I have made with my friends. I don't really want to waste it... Live like tomorrow is the end, as they say. So sometimes in someways I wanted to just bend the rules a bit so that I can look back and remember the awesome times I have with my friends. There is so much to do and so little time... The world is pretty much a small world if we don't give it time and effort to extend them... If we keep on being caged up... Nothing will come up from it right? And that would be just plain boring.

Someday soon I hope for a bit of freedom... And when that time comes... I wonder if I can still catch up to my friends who are already have theirs... I wonder if I really could go and walk with them side by side by then... But for now I have to be content and work my butt off to even come close to them. So wish me luck! >__<